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How Do I Fix These Imperfections?

‘Since beginningless time, darkness has thrived in the void, but always yields to purifying light.’

The Lion-Turtle

I often find myself wondering what it really means to help someone. Because I have poured significant time and energy into personal growth, I have been exposed to a variety of extremely helpful insights from wise teachers of ancient and modern times. So when a friend comes to me in need, what is the most effective way to help them? This is a process I am still evolving through and at my current phase, I am focusing on a wonderfully simplifying practice. Listening with loving-kindness.

Upon reflection, I have noticed that it is easy for me to get into fix-it mode. After all, that is what I do when I am facing a challenge internally, I investigate my way down to the root of the issue to understand it and unlock its grasp on me. There are many wise techniques and mindsets I have discovered that help facilitate this process. So I often find myself saying “try this!” or “what if you look at it this way!” While I feel there is a place for this kind of guidance, I am finding more and more the importance of quieting down and simply holding a compassionate space where they can move through their own process.

It can be very easy to notice “flaws” in the way that others behave or think. We can forget that even when others are in pain and confused, it is only the wisdom within themselves that can guide them forwards. Most of the time, it seems to me, the best way to help them heal is to give the gift of unconditional love; love that doesn’t grasp at who they are or push them to who they could become. 

The healing power of acceptance is mysterious and powerful. I think fear and doubt hold us back from this. The fear that if we accept who we are or who they are, we will never really change, if we allow ourselves to be just as we are, we will have to acknowledge and live with all our imperfections. Herein lies another great paradox of being, only through relentless acceptance does change really come. 

Part of the mechanism behind this counterintuitive truth lies in the subtle affirmation that comes with denying something. When I say “don’t think of a pink elephant!” we all know where the mind goes. So when I say “if only I could stop being so judgemental of my body!” or “I want to let go of this depression, I am ready! Please!” I am subtly strengthening the position of that which I hope to move beyond. I am affirming that I do not love my body, or that I am depressed.

This is a very funny game we play with ourselves. If someone were to come and tell us “you are choosing to feel depressed” we would be outraged! We know, with certainty, that we want to stop feeling depressed, that we have tried and failed over and over. How dare they suggest it is a choice! But it is that very certainty that keeps us locked up.

So when working with our own emotions, instead of pouring our energy into opposing things as they are, it is essential that we accept the way we feel. We must allow ourselves to be as we are. This is loving-kindness, it is acceptance despite all the imperfection. Something really quite magical happens when we simply (not easily, but simply) allow ourselves to fully feel what we are feeling, to no longer deny or oppose. We start to heal!

It happens naturally and effortlessly because love is underneath all of our opinions and positions. The universe is loving and healing at it’s foundation. Think about it, do you know how you heal a cut on your finger? Not even a little. Every corpuscule of our being is filled with healing light and when we allow ourselves to be as we are, we bring the loving spaciousness necessary for that light to shine.

So when I am with a friend or family member or stranger, I am working to bring more of that loving-kindness into my heart. To see them as they are and accept that they are in the right place on their path of development. The pain that people hold comes to them through the infinite dance of time, it is not our place to judge them or try to fix them. Only when they feel loved will they find the space they need to heal from within.

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Fully Engrossed

‘The Kingdom of the Father is spread out upon the earth, but men do not see it.’

Jesus Christ

Have you ever felt so entirely engrossed in a moment that your world feels dominated by the colors and sensations of your perceptual field? Perhaps from the rush of a roller coaster ride, through the textures of a challenging rock climb, or by surrendering to the soul’s engagement in artistic expression. In those moments you feel whole, firmly residing in the recognition that here there is nothing missing, nothing to achieve, nothing to regret… In this place, immersed in the ocean of what-is, we feel spacious and significant and we embody the powerful creativity that is the seed of our being.

This is an experience I remember striking me quite significantly on psychedelics. On one such adventure, under the influence of psilocybin, I was in an open field and needed to take a leak so I crossed a thick tree line and entered into a forest dominated by mangrove-like roots and branches. I remember being struck as heavily as if I had walked through a portal into another world. The whole energy of the place was different and the entire content of my existence seemed novel and fresh. What is the basis of this feeling, and when or how could this come about without the influence of psychoactive chemicals?

Through meditation I have come to experience this sensation quite frequently and the mode of observation that brings it about has become more clear. The key lies in a departure from the dualistic, imagined, and conditioned interpretation of the cosmos. One thing that pulls us into duality is our perception of time. When we look closely, our deeply rooted belief in the structure and movement of time proves to be a very limiting conceptualization.

When we exist in the imagined temporal realm, this moment is a blip. It is a small and relatively insignificant instant cast in the ocean of eternity, floating softly by like a mote of dust through a sunbeam. Some of these moments may hold more weight than others, like the first kiss of a married couple, or the moment just before a car crash, but in essence each of these moments is small when felt in the context of all the moments that make up a life.

In contrast, when we cast off our presumptions about the nature of existence and sit in quiet observation, more and more of our awareness and attention falls upon the reality that sits patiently before us. As this happens, the anxieties rooted in past and future fabrications gently dissolve and we are surrounded by the thick silence that lies behind the quivering air. We breathe in and feel the expansion of our ribcage. The colors around us seem to fill and define our whole being. We are the teal bedspread that we lie on, the dust gently drifting through our gaze.

It is from this place that we can feel the ground of Reality; the ground that is so often talked about but so rarely observed with authenticity. It is here that we can experience the infinite depth and expanse of the present moment. We look closer at the knitted blanket beneath the comforter and notice the winding and fraying threads that but a moment ago were nothing but a flat texture.

When we look deeper, we see the microcosm of complexity to be found within each corpuscle of reality. When we turn our gaze to the sky, we feel the vast expanse of space littered with stars amongst which we drift aimlessly. This is not a small place. This is not a frame within a movie reel. This is not a moment that lacks significance or power. This is eternity. This is the Kingdom of Heaven.