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The Unsatiated Mind

‘When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you’

Lao Tzu

Have you ever stood before the spattering of oranges and purples of a magnificent sunset and felt somehow unable to absorb its beauty? Have you ever gazed out from a mountain top and felt somewhat empty and distanced from the experience? Many of us have felt like ineffective participants in the experience of beauty, as though we can’t find that feeling we know we are supposed to be having.

Have you ever reached the end of a carton of ice cream and felt like you rushed through the joy of eating it, almost as though the pleasure drifted past beyond your reach as the cold creamy dessert made its way across your tongue? All of us have had the experience of feeling unfulfilled by moments like this in our lives. Why does this happen and how can we learn to really taste the sweet nectars of beauty and pleasure in this life?

The key lies in redirecting our attention within. Thanks to the conditioning of a disconnected culture, we have come to expect external circumstances to fulfill our needs and to provide us with the feelings we are looking for. Unfortunately, this mindset will send us on a wild goose chase and bring us frustration as the moments we thought would fill us end up lacking the luster we expected. 

It is essential to recognize that the feeling of incompleteness, of “not enough”, of seeking wholeness without, springs from not feeling whole within ourselves. Why don’t we feel whole? Because we have become alienated from our spirits. We have disconnected from our hearts. We have forgotten that we are already enough, we belong right where we are. There is nothing we need to do to prove we are worthy of love. We are already worthy, imperfections and all.

This sense of alienation arises predominantly from the religion of science – materialism. Our culture is built upon the assumption that the universe is fundamentally composed of lifeless matter. Western science has no place for conscious awareness, or spirit. Therefore, very deep down, we come to feel like imposters on this earth. From that feeling of not belonging, we start to feel like we have to somehow prove ourselves in order to belong. 

Instead of feeling that you are dropped into this strange environment called earth, recognize that you are one of the puzzle pieces that makes up this universe. Each of us is an essential piece of this ocean of consciousness and we are already okay as we are. Of course, we each have to learn how to live from the goodness in our hearts and there is a place for progress and development. But to truly evolve, we have to align with where we are now, because evolution always happens in the present moment. We won’t get anywhere denying ourselves as we are.

Once we start to come into ourselves, we can tune in to the fulfillment that is always available. It is from this place of wholeness that we don’t have to grasp at the sunsets dance of light, and we won’t feel empty once the ice cream is gone. Because those are not the things that fill us up, our hearts are already full of love and acceptance and integration into the greater world that we are a piece of. From this place, we are a geyser of gratitude, not a storm drain of pain endlessly sucking up the waters of life and never feeling full 

From this place, beauty can be found wherever the gaze lands. A dew drop resting tenderly on a drooping leaf is more fulfilling than you could have ever imagined. The tiniest drop of ice cream on your tongue permeates your being with satisfaction and pleasure. With practice, we can even open up to pain (both emotional and physical) and find Joy there too. It may sound silly to suggest that one can feel Joy in wallows of sorrow and grief, but many of us know it to be true.  

Rejoice! You are alive! Life is full of discomfort and pain but if we can learn to relax and allow the pain, it will flow without the suffering of resistance, the suffering of denying things as they are. Onwards along the journey to recover the stillness within, the journey to remember our natural divinity.

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Breath of the Violin

We become hypnotized, really; by all the flashing lights, the attention grabbing displays. We are creatures of habit. What are your habits, creature? Are you, like me and so many others, drawn into the incessant, urgent and unquenchable thirst for stimulation? When is the last time you took a shit without looking at your phone? When is the last time you ate a meal without watching or listening to some form of media. When is the last time you woke up in the morning and sat quietly looking at the sunbeams filtering through the leaves outside your window and igniting dust particles like tiny suns.

No, I wake up and I open up instagram. Scroll, scroll, scroll, waiting for the dreariness to fade so that I can finally end the “okay NOW it’s really time to get up” cycle. Take hold of your attention! The way you point your attention is the way you create your future. If the hand molds clay, attention molds the spirit. Are you fixated on fantasies of past and future? I mean RIGHT NOW, are you living in the narrative or is your attention engaged with the entirety of this moment, this moment, as the wind of possibility blows through the flute of your body-mind, as you hold your physical form, slouched and deflated, or tall and dignified. As you furrow your brow, scrunch up your forehead, clench your jaw, and pull your shoulders up and in as if frightened by a night that is too dark and deep.

In breath, out breath, the violin bow that plays your part in the symphony of life. What tone will you sound? Will your melody quiver with the uncertainty of a timid wanderer in foreign lands? Or will your draw be long and smooth, calling out into the endless sea with whispers of love. Will you open up to the unknown, sound the strange and unfamiliar sounds with the peaked curiosity of discovery in full swing?

It’s a wide world and the steps you take are yours. They are all you have really, possessions crumble but the song you sing echoes in the hearts of all you touch and our hearts hold the memory of the evolution of life on this planet. The trauma, the loss, the rage of self preservation, the lessons missed but also the lessons learned. The moments of strength when a soul chose love instead of fear, when the energy of new life and new possibilities overcame the drudgery of conditioning, the momentum of misery.

It’s the little things. It’s those small moments where if you quiet down enough you can hear the whisper “this is important”. When you cough out the words “I love you” to your brother, even though they got stuck in your throat. When you close the laptop and take a step outside for the first time in the day, even though the animal in you that has been seeking comfort and security in the familiar for millenia begs for you to stay under the blanket. When you hold your tongue instead of speaking with reactive anger.

It is with each outbreath that we birth our actions. The energy of new possibilities moves through our conscious and subconscious mind to manifest in action. Our thoughts open up into our lived reality, like a plant sprouting from a seed pod. The astute gardener is careful not to allow weeds to take hold. Like a climbing ivy, self-destructive behaviors crawl in and steal the light of new growth. A fresh you cannot be born when your energy is tied up in patterns that don’t serve you.

Plant seeds of self-love, patience and compassion then reach towards the light. Stretch towards your vision of what could be and be filled with gratitude. Stretch beyond yourself, relax the imagined boundary that places “you” inside your skin and “the world” out there. You are more mixed up in this whole thing than you might think. Through you, the voice of what-is is calling. But don’t squeeze the handle bars, lift up your arms like wings, put on a full body smile, and lean in the direction you want to go.

This world will carry you to your wildest fantasy and beyond. You don’t have to dream big, but dream freely. Dream like you’re a painter and the canvas is all yours. Dream like you lost yourself, then go to the place you would want to find yourself, and there you will be. Dream like the forest is full of mystery and wonder and no one really knows what could be out there. Because it is, and we don’t.

We all put on a face like we know what we are doing. None of us really know what we are doing. We all remember when we realized our parents are just as confused and baffled as the rest of us. When will we admit that we don’t know? We don’t know what we’re doing here. We don’t know how, or why or from where this wild stormy existence sprang.

But here we are, let’s take charge! Let us choose kindness, let us remain open to the life-long lessons of self-care. Let us embrace the furthest reaches of our power to create, to give birth to a new moment, a new way to be here, alive. Evolution is in our hands, on the wings of imagination we will soar to new heights. And poised aloft in this celestial kingdom, we will shine the light of love across all the lands.

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Sickness Within is Sickness Without

‘If you want to awaken all of humanity then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering of the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative within yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.’

Lao Tzu

Growth and self-discovery is an endless process composed of moments of honesty and vulnerability with oneself and others. Our culture demonizes giving ourselves attention as “selfish”, missing that we can only bring love into the world when we are overflowing within ourselves.

From my limited perspective, the “how can we fix this broken world” mentality is misguided. The world is not a machine with a broken cog. It is made of spirit. It is made of your spirit, and mine. Hatred and anger is a sickness that corrupts our souls. And real injustice is the greatest temptation towards hatred and rage.

MLK Jr. knew “darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” What we need is irrational forgiveness and compassion. We can’t wait for a reason to believe in love, we have to choose it. Reason will see our mistakes and the mistakes of others in the light of what is right and wrong. From this vantage point, it becomes easy to demonize ourselves and others.

We cannot love ourselves or others completely until we understand that we have acted from a place of ignorance and fear when we have caused pain. To forgive ourselves is to see our imperfections openly and compassionately, realizing that what we regret could instead become fuel to propel us towards the best versions of ourselves.

“Hurt people hurt people.” To recognize this will help bring patience and compassion into our hearts when we perform or witness wrongdoing. It can be especially difficult when we act in opposition to our own understanding of what is right. It is essential to realize that the process of integration is a long and challenging one. Even when we have insights about the nature of kindness and interconnectedness, destructive patterns of action and thought persist from the past, patterns of pain and trauma that has traveled across generations. We must remain patient in the midst of our confusion.

When people do harm to others, it’s because their pain is overflowing. All behavior that does harm comes from insecurity and fear. The only way to heal that in someone is to love them despite the hurt they cause. To recognize that we all have pain and fear in our hearts is the first step to cultivating compassion and forgiveness.

If we can feel that we have permission to take care of ourselves, we can heal. And when we heal we can bring our natural and radiant selves to the world. We are each a piece of this reality so to heal ourselves IS to heal the planet. We are not on the planet, we are of the planet, just like the birds and bees and clouds and trees. We are not other than nature and our sickness within is the sickness without.