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How Do I Fix These Imperfections?

‘Since beginningless time, darkness has thrived in the void, but always yields to purifying light.’

The Lion-Turtle

I often find myself wondering what it really means to help someone. Because I have poured significant time and energy into personal growth, I have been exposed to a variety of extremely helpful insights from wise teachers of ancient and modern times. So when a friend comes to me in need, what is the most effective way to help them? This is a process I am still evolving through and at my current phase, I am focusing on a wonderfully simplifying practice. Listening with loving-kindness.

Upon reflection, I have noticed that it is easy for me to get into fix-it mode. After all, that is what I do when I am facing a challenge internally, I investigate my way down to the root of the issue to understand it and unlock its grasp on me. There are many wise techniques and mindsets I have discovered that help facilitate this process. So I often find myself saying “try this!” or “what if you look at it this way!” While I feel there is a place for this kind of guidance, I am finding more and more the importance of quieting down and simply holding a compassionate space where they can move through their own process.

It can be very easy to notice “flaws” in the way that others behave or think. We can forget that even when others are in pain and confused, it is only the wisdom within themselves that can guide them forwards. Most of the time, it seems to me, the best way to help them heal is to give the gift of unconditional love; love that doesn’t grasp at who they are or push them to who they could become. 

The healing power of acceptance is mysterious and powerful. I think fear and doubt hold us back from this. The fear that if we accept who we are or who they are, we will never really change, if we allow ourselves to be just as we are, we will have to acknowledge and live with all our imperfections. Herein lies another great paradox of being, only through relentless acceptance does change really come. 

Part of the mechanism behind this counterintuitive truth lies in the subtle affirmation that comes with denying something. When I say “don’t think of a pink elephant!” we all know where the mind goes. So when I say “if only I could stop being so judgemental of my body!” or “I want to let go of this depression, I am ready! Please!” I am subtly strengthening the position of that which I hope to move beyond. I am affirming that I do not love my body, or that I am depressed.

This is a very funny game we play with ourselves. If someone were to come and tell us “you are choosing to feel depressed” we would be outraged! We know, with certainty, that we want to stop feeling depressed, that we have tried and failed over and over. How dare they suggest it is a choice! But it is that very certainty that keeps us locked up.

So when working with our own emotions, instead of pouring our energy into opposing things as they are, it is essential that we accept the way we feel. We must allow ourselves to be as we are. This is loving-kindness, it is acceptance despite all the imperfection. Something really quite magical happens when we simply (not easily, but simply) allow ourselves to fully feel what we are feeling, to no longer deny or oppose. We start to heal!

It happens naturally and effortlessly because love is underneath all of our opinions and positions. The universe is loving and healing at it’s foundation. Think about it, do you know how you heal a cut on your finger? Not even a little. Every corpuscule of our being is filled with healing light and when we allow ourselves to be as we are, we bring the loving spaciousness necessary for that light to shine.

So when I am with a friend or family member or stranger, I am working to bring more of that loving-kindness into my heart. To see them as they are and accept that they are in the right place on their path of development. The pain that people hold comes to them through the infinite dance of time, it is not our place to judge them or try to fix them. Only when they feel loved will they find the space they need to heal from within.

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Why Seek Truth?

‘Do not think by merely wishing for peace, you will have peace, when in your daily life of relationship you are aggressive, acquisitive, seeking psychological security here or in the hereafter. You have to understand the central cause of conflict and sorrow and then dissolve it and not merely look to the outside for peace. But you see, most of us are indolent. We are too lazy to take hold of ourselves and understand ourselves, and being lazy, which is really a form of conceit, we think others will solve this problem for us and give us peace, or that we should destroy the apparently few people that are causing wars. When the individual is in conflict within himself he must inevitably create conflict without, and only he can bring about peace within himself and so in the world, for he is the world.’

Krishnamurti



In our modern age, we are faced with an enthralling world of possibility. There are so many ways to fill a life that it can be daunting to choose what matters most. I want to propose that the most valuable pursuit in life is the pursuit of Truth. Does this mean you have to abandon all your hopes and dreams? No. In fact, if you choose to probe into the foundations of Reality, you will meet much less resistance on your path to actualizing those dreams.

To pursue Truth means to align your understanding about the way things are with the way things actually are. In other words, it is essential that we develop a worldview that aligns with Reality. By harmonizing with things as they are we won’t feel so pushed around by life. Just as the surfer studies the movement of the ocean, we humans can study the movement of mind and spirit.

By quieting down and observing carefully (meditation), we can become familiar with the patterns of thought and behavior that govern our experience.  Once we see these patterns in effect, we can eliminate the various roots of our suffering and turn our energy to more fruitful endeavors. When we have no clarity of these causal chains, our behavior remains discombobulated. 

Let’s say for example, you want to create some happiness and you have been told that happiness is attained by accumulating large shiny objects, achieving a particular body type, or earning a title like PhD. You may be at this for some time before you realize you aren’t after the right stuff. It is as though you wanted to light a fire so you started rubbing ice cubes together. 

Science has given us a very clear mapping of cause and effect on the material plane. Our reward for having a map that aligns with material reality is technological advancement. We can create computers and rockets and cameras all because we developed a deeper understanding of the way things actually are. How? We took away the chatter of human opinion and looked at reality very carefully, twisting and turning it about to see how it behaves (the scientific method). 

By eliminating the consideration of consciousness, perhaps the most fundamental aspect of Reality, science has made great leaps in understanding the material plane. This method proved successful because consciousness introduces variables that clutter data and make for inconsistent measurement. But somewhere along the way we forgot that every bit of science is still done and observed though consciousness. Finally, with the advent of Quantum Mechanics we have come back around to the fact that the observer is fundamentally inseparable from the world it observes. 

While the scientific community is fumbling over this truth, trying desperately to keep our study in the material plane, spiritual practitioners continue to stare unflinchingly down the rabbit hole of sentient awareness, as they have done for millennia. To seek Truth we must look at all dimensions available to us and so it is natural to develop some sort of science of the mind. 

Buddhists (and many, many others) have been at this since… well, for quite some time. The main issue today is that esoteric discussions of enlightenment have pulled meditation too far away from practicality in the western mind. As a result, our spiritually bankrupt society attempts to frame Mindfulness like any other over-the-counter medication designed to alleviate symptoms. “Stressed? Try some deep breathing!” But many who try meditation half-heartedly recognize that, though they may feel temporary relief, their suffering returns. “If I can’t get enlightened in this life, and meditation doesn’t seem to fix my problems, why practice at all?” they wonder. 

Practice stillness to see more clearly, do it so that your understanding of reality can align with reality. By understanding the mental landscape more clearly, we can clarify and direct our energies more efficiently. In this way we can live a life in greater control of our own experience, we can understand the root of our suffering and take reasonable steps towards peace and stability.

When we live outside of Truth, we exist in opposition to Reality and we generate suffering for ourselves and others. We see conflict in the external world and run about in a frantic mess trying to “fix” things, all the while missing the fact that the conflict we experience originates within. We yell at the person who cut us off in traffic, we are impatient with our children, we say hurtful things to our partners, we lash out because of our pain and in doing so, we reinforce our deeply rooted sense of isolation.

The issues that face our global community will not be overcome until each individual looks courageously within him or herself and strips away all traces of misunderstanding. “I am separate”, “money is equal to security and happiness”, “the universe is fundamentally made of matter”, “I have no control over my health or emotions”, etcetera etcetera. All of these misapprehensions cause us to behave counterproductively. To seek Truth is to come into direct contact with our interconnectedness. It is to see clearly that pain can bring peace if you open up to it. It is to see that all of our efforts to become “successful” are only fueling our dissatisfaction.

Truth is a worthy pursuit because it can produce a value not tied up in paper slips. It can produce a harmonious life marked by joy, freedom and appreciation; a life where it’s easier to act in accordance with our values, find motivation when we’re down and help to bring others up out of the darkness. It takes courage, dedication, intuition and practice but the option is there for all of us. You don’t have to quit your job, but you do have to set up a lifestyle that includes regular reflection and careful observation of the content of your experience.

Meditate and read books or watch videos by people whose words resonate with your deepest being. Within our depths we already know all there is to know. Strip away your assumptions and there Truth will be, patiently waiting for the heart to see it.