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Internal Triggers for State Shift

‘Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for thou art with me.’

Jesus Christ

I think a lot of what holds us back from enacting big changes in our lives (changes in relationships, or internal state changes as examples) is that we have a subconscious expectation that some significant external change is necessary to trigger that state shift.

Normally when we move from one powerful emotional state to another, it is accompanied by some significant change in our external circumstances. Maybe I was very happy and peaceful in my meditation then a lawnmower started up and triggered some tension in my chest (resistance to things as they are), maybe someone bumps into me and knocks my ice cream off it’s cone. In any case, when we want to enact great changes in our internal state we seem to depend on some great change in our environment.

It is reasonable that when I am feeling cold, I could go inside or put on a warm jacket. These are material answers to material conditions. But when it comes to emotional states, we should not always look to the material plane for change. For instance, maybe I got a bad grade on a test or perform poorly at work and am feeling ashamed. I might feel compelled to remain in that emotional state until I improve my performance on the next test or at the next performance meeting. The most empowering thing to realize is that a beautiful state of being is available in every moment.

That means that in the deep well of that shame, when you are completely overtaken by a self-deprecating perspective, you have the power to ignite a raging fire of self love whose light will wash away the darkness that consumes you. This type of shift is the meaning of internal alchemy: the ability to bend the energies within ourselves. When we realize that we have the power to shift our own internal states, we stop giving our power away to external conditions.

But how does one go about wrenching the attention away from this all consuming shame? The first thing is to accept how you feel. It is painful to feel shame (or guilt, fear, anger, etc), but what is more painful is feeling ashamed that you are feeling ashamed, feeling angry that you are feeling angry, feeling guilty that you are feeling guilty. Do you see how the judgement creeps in and colors our experience? So step one is to accept how you are feeling, to align yourself with where you are in this moment and realize that it’s okay to feel what you are feeling.

It is only from this stance of acceptance and understanding that we will have the balance and groundedness necessary to start to redirect attention. The spotlight of attention is also the spotlight of creation. Already feeling the relief granted from accepting your current state, you can now gently direct your attention elsewhere. There are many strategies to apply here and I would recommend you follow your intuitions in any moment.

An example from stoicism is negative visualization. You can imagine all sorts of terrible things that could befall you that haven’t in order to cultivate gratitude for the current state of things. You might imagine a life where your sibling was killed, you got cancer and became a quadriplegic. From that place, to be teleported into the exact moment you are in now would be the greatest blessing one could imagine. In other words, the intensity with which we feel negative or positive about our current circumstance is not absolute but relative.

The point I want to drive home here is that we can’t sit around waiting for life to change in a way that will give us permission to change the way we feel or act. Don’t wait for some event to trigger shifts in your internal states, consider developing internal triggers to help you shift into beautiful states more readily.

Mantras can really shine here. I won’t get carried off on a tangent but suffice it to say that the spoken word has much more power than we give it credit for. So repeating mantras like “I am safe” gently and compassionately to yourself or out loud can have a profound impact on feelings like anxiety. “I am enough”, “I am grateful for the sunshine on my face”.

Beyond that you can try putting a soft smile on your face and shifting your posture to be more erect. Feel into your body and consciously relax. Drop your shoulders down and back, let go of the tension in your Jaw and throat. It is often surprising to discover how much tension we hold without even noticing it.

The world is a wild and chaotic place and it is important to recognize that. I often wonder how the ant, who is perpetually an instant away from being crushed by an indifferent shoe, can get on with it’s life. As I lay there, watching him scurry around, I admire his focus and willingness to live despite impending doom. We are much like that ant, constantly on the edge of destruction.

Until we spend the time and energy contemplating the inevitability of our own death, we will hold onto the anxiety which is a manifestation of the unwillingness to be destroyed. To live life fully, unencumbered by doubt and fear, we have to be willing to die, and to keep dying in each moment so that we can be born anew, fresh and ready to willingly participate in the life we have been given.

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How Do I Fix These Imperfections?

‘Since beginningless time, darkness has thrived in the void, but always yields to purifying light.’

The Lion-Turtle

I often find myself wondering what it really means to help someone. Because I have poured significant time and energy into personal growth, I have been exposed to a variety of extremely helpful insights from wise teachers of ancient and modern times. So when a friend comes to me in need, what is the most effective way to help them? This is a process I am still evolving through and at my current phase, I am focusing on a wonderfully simplifying practice. Listening with loving-kindness.

Upon reflection, I have noticed that it is easy for me to get into fix-it mode. After all, that is what I do when I am facing a challenge internally, I investigate my way down to the root of the issue to understand it and unlock its grasp on me. There are many wise techniques and mindsets I have discovered that help facilitate this process. So I often find myself saying “try this!” or “what if you look at it this way!” While I feel there is a place for this kind of guidance, I am finding more and more the importance of quieting down and simply holding a compassionate space where they can move through their own process.

It can be very easy to notice “flaws” in the way that others behave or think. We can forget that even when others are in pain and confused, it is only the wisdom within themselves that can guide them forwards. Most of the time, it seems to me, the best way to help them heal is to give the gift of unconditional love; love that doesn’t grasp at who they are or push them to who they could become. 

The healing power of acceptance is mysterious and powerful. I think fear and doubt hold us back from this. The fear that if we accept who we are or who they are, we will never really change, if we allow ourselves to be just as we are, we will have to acknowledge and live with all our imperfections. Herein lies another great paradox of being, only through relentless acceptance does change really come. 

Part of the mechanism behind this counterintuitive truth lies in the subtle affirmation that comes with denying something. When I say “don’t think of a pink elephant!” we all know where the mind goes. So when I say “if only I could stop being so judgemental of my body!” or “I want to let go of this depression, I am ready! Please!” I am subtly strengthening the position of that which I hope to move beyond. I am affirming that I do not love my body, or that I am depressed.

This is a very funny game we play with ourselves. If someone were to come and tell us “you are choosing to feel depressed” we would be outraged! We know, with certainty, that we want to stop feeling depressed, that we have tried and failed over and over. How dare they suggest it is a choice! But it is that very certainty that keeps us locked up.

So when working with our own emotions, instead of pouring our energy into opposing things as they are, it is essential that we accept the way we feel. We must allow ourselves to be as we are. This is loving-kindness, it is acceptance despite all the imperfection. Something really quite magical happens when we simply (not easily, but simply) allow ourselves to fully feel what we are feeling, to no longer deny or oppose. We start to heal!

It happens naturally and effortlessly because love is underneath all of our opinions and positions. The universe is loving and healing at it’s foundation. Think about it, do you know how you heal a cut on your finger? Not even a little. Every corpuscule of our being is filled with healing light and when we allow ourselves to be as we are, we bring the loving spaciousness necessary for that light to shine.

So when I am with a friend or family member or stranger, I am working to bring more of that loving-kindness into my heart. To see them as they are and accept that they are in the right place on their path of development. The pain that people hold comes to them through the infinite dance of time, it is not our place to judge them or try to fix them. Only when they feel loved will they find the space they need to heal from within.

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Sickness Within is Sickness Without

‘If you want to awaken all of humanity then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering of the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative within yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.’

Lao Tzu

Growth and self-discovery is an endless process composed of moments of honesty and vulnerability with oneself and others. Our culture demonizes giving ourselves attention as “selfish”, missing that we can only bring love into the world when we are overflowing within ourselves.

From my limited perspective, the “how can we fix this broken world” mentality is misguided. The world is not a machine with a broken cog. It is made of spirit. It is made of your spirit, and mine. Hatred and anger is a sickness that corrupts our souls. And real injustice is the greatest temptation towards hatred and rage.

MLK Jr. knew “darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” What we need is irrational forgiveness and compassion. We can’t wait for a reason to believe in love, we have to choose it. Reason will see our mistakes and the mistakes of others in the light of what is right and wrong. From this vantage point, it becomes easy to demonize ourselves and others.

We cannot love ourselves or others completely until we understand that we have acted from a place of ignorance and fear when we have caused pain. To forgive ourselves is to see our imperfections openly and compassionately, realizing that what we regret could instead become fuel to propel us towards the best versions of ourselves.

“Hurt people hurt people.” To recognize this will help bring patience and compassion into our hearts when we perform or witness wrongdoing. It can be especially difficult when we act in opposition to our own understanding of what is right. It is essential to realize that the process of integration is a long and challenging one. Even when we have insights about the nature of kindness and interconnectedness, destructive patterns of action and thought persist from the past, patterns of pain and trauma that has traveled across generations. We must remain patient in the midst of our confusion.

When people do harm to others, it’s because their pain is overflowing. All behavior that does harm comes from insecurity and fear. The only way to heal that in someone is to love them despite the hurt they cause. To recognize that we all have pain and fear in our hearts is the first step to cultivating compassion and forgiveness.

If we can feel that we have permission to take care of ourselves, we can heal. And when we heal we can bring our natural and radiant selves to the world. We are each a piece of this reality so to heal ourselves IS to heal the planet. We are not on the planet, we are of the planet, just like the birds and bees and clouds and trees. We are not other than nature and our sickness within is the sickness without.