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Change and the Power of Knowledge

“We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses. Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.”

Jung

How do we bring about change in ourselves and in the world? To change a Rubik’s cube requires knowledge of the object and the way it moves. You must also know how to use your hands and how your movements effect the cube. If you study the patterns carefully, you can learn to put the cube in very particular states. If you study the inner workings, with the right tools you could even take it apart and reconstruct it.

If we wish to bring about change, we must first come to know that which we hope to change. Knowledge begins with observation. Unbiased and non-judgemental observation is a skill that helps us to perceive things as they are. We can direct this attention within to learn about our own nature and habits, or without to gain insight about the movements of the world. Hidden within this ability is the necessity of acceptance. In order to observe things clearly, we must release our preconceptions and have the courage to accept things as they present themselves.

In the martial art Aikido, we learn to bring about change without opposition. Techniques in this art seek the path of least conflict. (Ai) means harmony, (Ki) means energy, and (Do) is the way; Aikido is the way of harmonizing energies. So when the energy of an attacker is thrust upon you, rather than contend the attack directly, you step off center and align your own energy with theirs. From this place of alignment and balance, you can direct the flow of your attackers energy. You have the power to bring about peaceful resolution. 

Aikido teaches us the counterintuitive lesson that opposition is not the best way to bring about change in ourselves or in the world. Instead, knowledge, acceptance, alignment and balance will be our tools for transformation. To bring about change within ourselves, we must first come to know ourselves and find acceptance for who we are. We must align our perception of ourselves with reality and find a place of balance from which to move.

It helps to loosen our grip on narrative and identity. Instead of attaching to the story of who you are and why you feel the way you do, simply ask yourself, “where am I feeling this emotion in my body? What is the real substance of that feeling?” and open yourself up to the experience.

Most of the suffering of challenging emotions arises from resistance to them. Just as blocking a punch with an opposing force is more likely to damage your material body, blocking a negative thought or emotion with an opposing force is more likely to damage your mind and spirit. So when we can open up to the emotion and feel into it, we harmonize with things as they are. Rather than trying to deny the reality of our experience or wishing for it to be another way, we can find acceptance.

It is from this stance, in balance and present with the truth of things, that we can start to direct the flow towards peaceful resolution. By accepting challenging emotions in our hearts, we can relax some of the tension that amplifies our suffering. If one wanted to change the state of a Rubik’s Cube, but they could not accept the reality of its current state, they would have no success.

Let us learn to accept ourselves and the world as it is so that we can align and move towards the positive change we wish to see. Let us not oppose that which we despise, but rather seek to understand it, for it is not through aggression and destruction that we find resolution, but through acceptance and realignment.

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How Do I Fix These Imperfections?

‘Since beginningless time, darkness has thrived in the void, but always yields to purifying light.’

The Lion-Turtle

I often find myself wondering what it really means to help someone. Because I have poured significant time and energy into personal growth, I have been exposed to a variety of extremely helpful insights from wise teachers of ancient and modern times. So when a friend comes to me in need, what is the most effective way to help them? This is a process I am still evolving through and at my current phase, I am focusing on a wonderfully simplifying practice. Listening with loving-kindness.

Upon reflection, I have noticed that it is easy for me to get into fix-it mode. After all, that is what I do when I am facing a challenge internally, I investigate my way down to the root of the issue to understand it and unlock its grasp on me. There are many wise techniques and mindsets I have discovered that help facilitate this process. So I often find myself saying “try this!” or “what if you look at it this way!” While I feel there is a place for this kind of guidance, I am finding more and more the importance of quieting down and simply holding a compassionate space where they can move through their own process.

It can be very easy to notice “flaws” in the way that others behave or think. We can forget that even when others are in pain and confused, it is only the wisdom within themselves that can guide them forwards. Most of the time, it seems to me, the best way to help them heal is to give the gift of unconditional love; love that doesn’t grasp at who they are or push them to who they could become. 

The healing power of acceptance is mysterious and powerful. I think fear and doubt hold us back from this. The fear that if we accept who we are or who they are, we will never really change, if we allow ourselves to be just as we are, we will have to acknowledge and live with all our imperfections. Herein lies another great paradox of being, only through relentless acceptance does change really come. 

Part of the mechanism behind this counterintuitive truth lies in the subtle affirmation that comes with denying something. When I say “don’t think of a pink elephant!” we all know where the mind goes. So when I say “if only I could stop being so judgemental of my body!” or “I want to let go of this depression, I am ready! Please!” I am subtly strengthening the position of that which I hope to move beyond. I am affirming that I do not love my body, or that I am depressed.

This is a very funny game we play with ourselves. If someone were to come and tell us “you are choosing to feel depressed” we would be outraged! We know, with certainty, that we want to stop feeling depressed, that we have tried and failed over and over. How dare they suggest it is a choice! But it is that very certainty that keeps us locked up.

So when working with our own emotions, instead of pouring our energy into opposing things as they are, it is essential that we accept the way we feel. We must allow ourselves to be as we are. This is loving-kindness, it is acceptance despite all the imperfection. Something really quite magical happens when we simply (not easily, but simply) allow ourselves to fully feel what we are feeling, to no longer deny or oppose. We start to heal!

It happens naturally and effortlessly because love is underneath all of our opinions and positions. The universe is loving and healing at it’s foundation. Think about it, do you know how you heal a cut on your finger? Not even a little. Every corpuscule of our being is filled with healing light and when we allow ourselves to be as we are, we bring the loving spaciousness necessary for that light to shine.

So when I am with a friend or family member or stranger, I am working to bring more of that loving-kindness into my heart. To see them as they are and accept that they are in the right place on their path of development. The pain that people hold comes to them through the infinite dance of time, it is not our place to judge them or try to fix them. Only when they feel loved will they find the space they need to heal from within.