Posted on

The Unsatiated Mind

‘When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you’

Lao Tzu

Have you ever stood before the spattering of oranges and purples of a magnificent sunset and felt somehow unable to absorb its beauty? Have you ever gazed out from a mountain top and felt somewhat empty and distanced from the experience? Many of us have felt like ineffective participants in the experience of beauty, as though we can’t find that feeling we know we are supposed to be having.

Have you ever reached the end of a carton of ice cream and felt like you rushed through the joy of eating it, almost as though the pleasure drifted past beyond your reach as the cold creamy dessert made its way across your tongue? All of us have had the experience of feeling unfulfilled by moments like this in our lives. Why does this happen and how can we learn to really taste the sweet nectars of beauty and pleasure in this life?

The key lies in redirecting our attention within. Thanks to the conditioning of a disconnected culture, we have come to expect external circumstances to fulfill our needs and to provide us with the feelings we are looking for. Unfortunately, this mindset will send us on a wild goose chase and bring us frustration as the moments we thought would fill us end up lacking the luster we expected. 

It is essential to recognize that the feeling of incompleteness, of “not enough”, of seeking wholeness without, springs from not feeling whole within ourselves. Why don’t we feel whole? Because we have become alienated from our spirits. We have disconnected from our hearts. We have forgotten that we are already enough, we belong right where we are. There is nothing we need to do to prove we are worthy of love. We are already worthy, imperfections and all.

This sense of alienation arises predominantly from the religion of science – materialism. Our culture is built upon the assumption that the universe is fundamentally composed of lifeless matter. Western science has no place for conscious awareness, or spirit. Therefore, very deep down, we come to feel like imposters on this earth. From that feeling of not belonging, we start to feel like we have to somehow prove ourselves in order to belong. 

Instead of feeling that you are dropped into this strange environment called earth, recognize that you are one of the puzzle pieces that makes up this universe. Each of us is an essential piece of this ocean of consciousness and we are already okay as we are. Of course, we each have to learn how to live from the goodness in our hearts and there is a place for progress and development. But to truly evolve, we have to align with where we are now, because evolution always happens in the present moment. We won’t get anywhere denying ourselves as we are.

Once we start to come into ourselves, we can tune in to the fulfillment that is always available. It is from this place of wholeness that we don’t have to grasp at the sunsets dance of light, and we won’t feel empty once the ice cream is gone. Because those are not the things that fill us up, our hearts are already full of love and acceptance and integration into the greater world that we are a piece of. From this place, we are a geyser of gratitude, not a storm drain of pain endlessly sucking up the waters of life and never feeling full 

From this place, beauty can be found wherever the gaze lands. A dew drop resting tenderly on a drooping leaf is more fulfilling than you could have ever imagined. The tiniest drop of ice cream on your tongue permeates your being with satisfaction and pleasure. With practice, we can even open up to pain (both emotional and physical) and find Joy there too. It may sound silly to suggest that one can feel Joy in wallows of sorrow and grief, but many of us know it to be true.  

Rejoice! You are alive! Life is full of discomfort and pain but if we can learn to relax and allow the pain, it will flow without the suffering of resistance, the suffering of denying things as they are. Onwards along the journey to recover the stillness within, the journey to remember our natural divinity.

Posted on

How Do I Fix These Imperfections?

‘Since beginningless time, darkness has thrived in the void, but always yields to purifying light.’

The Lion-Turtle

I often find myself wondering what it really means to help someone. Because I have poured significant time and energy into personal growth, I have been exposed to a variety of extremely helpful insights from wise teachers of ancient and modern times. So when a friend comes to me in need, what is the most effective way to help them? This is a process I am still evolving through and at my current phase, I am focusing on a wonderfully simplifying practice. Listening with loving-kindness.

Upon reflection, I have noticed that it is easy for me to get into fix-it mode. After all, that is what I do when I am facing a challenge internally, I investigate my way down to the root of the issue to understand it and unlock its grasp on me. There are many wise techniques and mindsets I have discovered that help facilitate this process. So I often find myself saying “try this!” or “what if you look at it this way!” While I feel there is a place for this kind of guidance, I am finding more and more the importance of quieting down and simply holding a compassionate space where they can move through their own process.

It can be very easy to notice “flaws” in the way that others behave or think. We can forget that even when others are in pain and confused, it is only the wisdom within themselves that can guide them forwards. Most of the time, it seems to me, the best way to help them heal is to give the gift of unconditional love; love that doesn’t grasp at who they are or push them to who they could become. 

The healing power of acceptance is mysterious and powerful. I think fear and doubt hold us back from this. The fear that if we accept who we are or who they are, we will never really change, if we allow ourselves to be just as we are, we will have to acknowledge and live with all our imperfections. Herein lies another great paradox of being, only through relentless acceptance does change really come. 

Part of the mechanism behind this counterintuitive truth lies in the subtle affirmation that comes with denying something. When I say “don’t think of a pink elephant!” we all know where the mind goes. So when I say “if only I could stop being so judgemental of my body!” or “I want to let go of this depression, I am ready! Please!” I am subtly strengthening the position of that which I hope to move beyond. I am affirming that I do not love my body, or that I am depressed.

This is a very funny game we play with ourselves. If someone were to come and tell us “you are choosing to feel depressed” we would be outraged! We know, with certainty, that we want to stop feeling depressed, that we have tried and failed over and over. How dare they suggest it is a choice! But it is that very certainty that keeps us locked up.

So when working with our own emotions, instead of pouring our energy into opposing things as they are, it is essential that we accept the way we feel. We must allow ourselves to be as we are. This is loving-kindness, it is acceptance despite all the imperfection. Something really quite magical happens when we simply (not easily, but simply) allow ourselves to fully feel what we are feeling, to no longer deny or oppose. We start to heal!

It happens naturally and effortlessly because love is underneath all of our opinions and positions. The universe is loving and healing at it’s foundation. Think about it, do you know how you heal a cut on your finger? Not even a little. Every corpuscule of our being is filled with healing light and when we allow ourselves to be as we are, we bring the loving spaciousness necessary for that light to shine.

So when I am with a friend or family member or stranger, I am working to bring more of that loving-kindness into my heart. To see them as they are and accept that they are in the right place on their path of development. The pain that people hold comes to them through the infinite dance of time, it is not our place to judge them or try to fix them. Only when they feel loved will they find the space they need to heal from within.

Posted on

Sickness Within is Sickness Without

‘If you want to awaken all of humanity then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering of the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative within yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.’

Lao Tzu

Growth and self-discovery is an endless process composed of moments of honesty and vulnerability with oneself and others. Our culture demonizes giving ourselves attention as “selfish”, missing that we can only bring love into the world when we are overflowing within ourselves.

From my limited perspective, the “how can we fix this broken world” mentality is misguided. The world is not a machine with a broken cog. It is made of spirit. It is made of your spirit, and mine. Hatred and anger is a sickness that corrupts our souls. And real injustice is the greatest temptation towards hatred and rage.

MLK Jr. knew “darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” What we need is irrational forgiveness and compassion. We can’t wait for a reason to believe in love, we have to choose it. Reason will see our mistakes and the mistakes of others in the light of what is right and wrong. From this vantage point, it becomes easy to demonize ourselves and others.

We cannot love ourselves or others completely until we understand that we have acted from a place of ignorance and fear when we have caused pain. To forgive ourselves is to see our imperfections openly and compassionately, realizing that what we regret could instead become fuel to propel us towards the best versions of ourselves.

“Hurt people hurt people.” To recognize this will help bring patience and compassion into our hearts when we perform or witness wrongdoing. It can be especially difficult when we act in opposition to our own understanding of what is right. It is essential to realize that the process of integration is a long and challenging one. Even when we have insights about the nature of kindness and interconnectedness, destructive patterns of action and thought persist from the past, patterns of pain and trauma that has traveled across generations. We must remain patient in the midst of our confusion.

When people do harm to others, it’s because their pain is overflowing. All behavior that does harm comes from insecurity and fear. The only way to heal that in someone is to love them despite the hurt they cause. To recognize that we all have pain and fear in our hearts is the first step to cultivating compassion and forgiveness.

If we can feel that we have permission to take care of ourselves, we can heal. And when we heal we can bring our natural and radiant selves to the world. We are each a piece of this reality so to heal ourselves IS to heal the planet. We are not on the planet, we are of the planet, just like the birds and bees and clouds and trees. We are not other than nature and our sickness within is the sickness without.

Posted on

Social Pressure and Self-Judgement

‘I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.’

Bruce Lee

It is essential that we become familiar with the ways in which social pressures impact us. Our fellow humans project a monumental force that will wash over us like a tsunami if we allow tensions to build up and erupt in an earthquake of emotion. In reality, the power that social pressures have over us is projected and represents an externalization of our internal power to create. We generate the expectations that we expect others to have for us, then crumble under the weight.

It is essential to recognize that, ultimately, only self-judgement can throw us off our center. When others judge us, it will only penetrate us if we give it our belief. Because we lack confidence in ourselves, because we have not found our own ground to stand on, when others cast doubts towards us it triggers our own insecurity.

In contrast, for one who has explored themselves, their fears, desires, shortcomings and incredible potential, doubt applied from others loses its power to destabilize. Furthermore, if I am judging others, I am also judging myself. When we judge others, we tend to position ourselves as superior or inferior. In either case, we are placing self worth on a sliding scale and making comparisons between what we observe and our (often poorly defined) ideals.

By placing other people on this scale of “doing it right” vs “doing it wrong”, we frame reality in a way that ends up controlling the way we see ourselves. As a result, we limit our ability to express ourselves with trust and confidence. “Already enough” is the healing spell you can cast here. Speak it out loud and fill it with the power of your belief. “I am already enough!”, “he or she is already enough”.

Look deeply at your worldview. Where do you think your human life came from? Do you feel you were dropped into this world? Popped out of nothingness onto a planet in a vast cosmos of unknowability? No wonder we feel ungrounded. We MUST learn to shift our perspective to belonging. “I belong here, on this earth, living this life. I am a child of mother earth just as much as the animals and plants. I am nature. I am a small piece of this vast ocean of life, of Isness.”

Have you noticed how you feel that you don’t belong, that you have to prove yourself to qualify as a successful life? I went to meditate in the forest and as I sat there, working really quite hard to keep my attention focused, posture erect, to give off good vibes, to be worthy of sharing my presence with this patch of nature, a lizard scurried up a tree in front of me.

I remember being stunned by the ease and elegance with which this creature thrust the full weight of its body straight up the slick trunk of a mighty tree. In that moment it really clicked for me that we try so hard, but for what? So much of the effort with which we trudge our way though life is spent trying to justify ourselves. To prove that we are worthy of love, from our family, our friends, from ourselves.

That lizard taught me that if we relax into our own self-expression, we can achieve great feats without pushing so hard. We can manifest our most beautiful selves by realizing that we are already enough,  we are already a perfect expression of ourselves, there is nothing we must do to prove ourselves.

Now, this would be a really dangerous perspective for a society to take on, you might think. After all, without a sense of responsibility, how would anything get done!? I mean, look around at all the problems we need to fix, if people felt they were enough just as they are, nothing would get done! … Nonsense. When people are released from their inhibitions, they all have the desire to create something, to express something, to share something. The foundation of this universe, and therefore all of us, is creation. All expression is creation and all creation, expression. There is no iota of our life that is not creative self expression.

The way we slouch, how many moments our eyes rest on that particular spot, the tension in our jaws and shoulders, the words we speak, the tone with which we speak them. All of it is creation and all of it is expression. As we learn to work through our tensions, to bring our shadows out into the light, we expand our awareness, we expand our consciousness to encompass more of ourselves. We can then bring more deliberate action in our lives.

When we are not held hostage by limiting beliefs that we project onto ourselves through others, we unlock a special kind of freedom to explore the many ways we can hold ourselves and the many creations we can manifest. Our identity is not this body or this ego, we are the energy benders who can work towards mastering our art.

Life gives us energy, emotion gives us energy, danger gives us energy, the sun gives us energy, food gives us energy. The art of life is bending this energy into the forms of expression we truly want to manifest. When we can recognize and step out of the grooves of behavior that lock us into habitual patterns, when we can open ourselves up to ourselves and to the world, when we can be brave enough to stay vulnerable, that is when we can be free. Free to laugh and free to cry, free to dance and design and wonder.

You will never grow old if you retain the ability to look upon this existence with awe and wonder. We don’t know, and that’s okay. Not knowing is the state of openness that allows all wisdom to flow!